."I became a mommy first; before all Hell broke loose. She was perfect. Her dark hair and her dark eyes. She did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve a mommy like me. I fight with the words, "I'm a bad mom." I try to convince myself that I'm not, but those words always come back and haunt me.
"You're a bad mom. You went crazy. You still are crazy! You can't handle motherhood. God cursed Eve with painful childbearing when she took from that fruit tree , and because of her YOU are cursed. You will never be a mommy again. You can't even handle 1 child and to think you could have another. Who do you think you are?"
As a I sat in a recent therapy session, I heard my therapist say. You have to take those words/beliefs out of your head and argue with them. Find the truth. Truth does not say you are a bad mom! Argue with that belief.
The problem is I get tired of arguing. It's exhausting. When I hear my little girl say things like, "I wish SHE was my mom and not you. SHE told me she would buy me a new bike." I want to hide. I hear those wicked words, "your a bad mom. "
I feel blessed to be a mommy. Some people dream of being a mommy and it never happens. I am thankful for my bundle of joy. I am thankful that she is happy, healthy, feisty, spunky.....perfect. I just want those words to go away.
It's not fair, nor is life....Lord I know it is only by your grace, your love and your mercy that you allowed ME to become a mommy. Help me to be a good one, even when all hell breaks loose!
"So maybe I am crazy! That doesn't make me a bad mom!"